The Coalition of Oranges

The Coalition of Oranges
By Mari Sloan

One day it was noticed that the citizens of the small island country of Rockana were looking rather peaked, all ten thousand of them. Humanitarian forces immediately sent doctors, who determined that ninety-seven percent of the population, all living on rocky soil and receiving an average three hundred sixteen days of rain each year, was suffering with scurvy. They had no citrus groves and had never seen an orange, lemon or lime, not to mention a grapefruit.

Six countries from the International League of Humanitarians decided that the citizens must have oranges, immediately! One of the countries had twelve ships full of oranges nearby, so it was decided that they would dock and start handing out oranges right away. Since one of the other countries had one ship carrying oranges nearby, they, too, would disperse oranges. On the first day the first country handed out two thousand oranges and the second country handed out four hundred. The other four countries promised to hand out oranges as soon as they could get some. Two of the countries had orange groves in surrounding countries and just needed to go get them, and two of the countries didn’t actually have groves and bought oranges for their own citizen’s consumption, so they needed to purchase oranges to donate.

Meanwhile, a number of the people on Rockana, consuming oranges for the first time, complained of stomach pains, or disliked the sharp, sour taste. Some actually loved the oranges, as long as they were free.

Soon the first country, the one with the ships of oranges, became worried that it would be seen as an orange aggressor, if people continued to get sick. Inflicting oranges on an unwilling population for their own good could be a very bad image for them, so it asked the other countries in the coalition to be in charge and to eventually take over. All five other countries in the coalition agreed cheerfully. As long as the first country continued to hand out oranges, they would manage the operation entirely! Meanwhile the first country continued to hand out bags of oranges, hoping to soon be relieved.

A month passed. Some citizens of Rockana ate the oranges, and others began a regimen of vitamin pills. Oranges began to accumulate, and to smell. A few enterprising citizens discovered they could sell oranges to the other five countries in the coalition, giving them money for their vitamin C. This was a win/win situation, allowing the other countries to meet their orange quota. So during this first month Country One disbursed two hundred thousand oranges and the second country disbursed all of the oranges left on its ship, around twenty-five hundred. When empty, it sailed for home, presumably to load up with oranges and return. The other four countries contributed six-hundred oranges, twenty-two-hundred oranges, three-thousand oranges and twelve-hundred oranges. County One was thrilled at the increased participation!

During the second month the first country began to give out of oranges. Its sailors were homesick and wanted to go home. Each day the look-out scanned the horizon from the crows nest, hoping to see ships appearing from the direction of the countries who had groves. Only the sea gulls and an occasional albatross circled the roost.

By the end of the third month, all of the oranges from the first country’s ships were gone, and the sailors, who had been eating the oranges, were hungry and discouraged. None of the relief ships had made it back. There was still considerable grumbling from citizens of Rockana who never developed a taste for the tart fruit. When the other five countries were told that they must take over because County One’s ships were out of fruit, they were distraught! “Where will we buy the oranges to give the citizens?” they asked.

“Relief ships?” The countries with orange groves responded. “Why would we pay to transport oranges when there were so many for sale here? True, the ones remaining are starting to rot, but look how much healthier the citizens all look!”

It was so. Hardly any of the citizens had scurvy any more, and there was a healthy vitamin supplement industry market that had developed on the island. In fact, many of the islanders were getting their pills for free from a sinister character known only as “Mr. B,” who required nothing more than a future child from each of the participating families, a sort of “futures trading” operation that appealed to the population. After obtaining a promise that existing pregnancies were exempt, families were signing up for the supplements in droves. In return for the promised future baby, each existing family member would receive their vitamin C pills for life and would never have to eat any of the unpalatable fruit. A new era was beginning!

Three of the Orange Coalition countries, including Country One, thought this agreement was reprehensible, but it was argued that none of the coalition had the right to interfere in domestic decisions of another democratic country. The islanders had every right to decide for themselves what they would do with their future offspring, and not only was there a new market developed, but population control and birth control clinics were booming! The island had never HAD it so good! When "Mr. B" was told that there didn’t seem to be any new pregnancies among any of the families receiving his vitamins, he just laughed. “Give them time,” he responded laconically.

Later it was discovered that the president of one of the non-orange producing countries was the mysterious “Mr. B,” and the other two non-orange producing countries quickly arranged to sell their supplements to him so that he could meet his demand. While the two orange producing countries were disappointed, they did get to be in charge for several months without ever having to actually transport any oranges. Fuel was expensive!

The crisis was proclaimed over, the coalition was dissolved, and everyone lived happily ever after